Friday, August 29, 2008

IE 8

I've made little secret of my disdain for internet explorer - From how it handles padding to rendering fonts, web sites just look uglier on IE.

I had to laugh when I about the IE 8 beta, and tech pundits making hay about its new "porn mode" - a mode that hides it from cookies and site tracking.

I don't love Safari (Firefox man myself), but Safari has had this feature for a while now.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


The Game finally released his "I'm going into retirement after this album", LAX.

I feel like he and 50 Cent are manifesting their beef, by seeing who can put out a worse album. I like "The Documentary" - any album that gets heavy production support from Dr. Dre is going to be bangin'. And "The Doctor's Advocate" actually improved on his debut. Despite not having Dr. Dre at the soundboard, Scott Storch and others helped make a classic west coast gangsta rap album. It actually sounded like his flossing was deserved. He was free from having to hawk G-Unit garbage, and his estranged status from Dr. Dre as a result of his beef with 50 Cent almost made it a concept album - he was a Ronin rapper, torturing himself over losing the hand of his mentor. Honestly, after Ghostface, Doctor's Advocate single handedly makes The Game the second most listened to rapper in my iPod (sorry Snoop, Meth and T.I.).

So WTF happened to LAX? Scott Storch makes a single, unimpressive appearance. The production is disjointed, and worse - just bad. So are the guests. I love Raekwon - but he's got no business trading lines with the Game. Ice Cube? Talk about irrelevant. I'm probably more authentic than Cube these days. And then we're not even going into the R&B heavy garbage.

Technically, The Game improves his flow with every album. He even double times his flow on the opening track. But he spends so much time canceling out righteous desperation with nihilistic flossing that he makes DMX and Snoop Dogg look like should be honored by the NAACP. Gone is the lost son of Dr. Dre (my thoughts and sympathies go out to Dr. Dre, whose 20 year old son was found dead the other day) - and we just have a guy who is los tin his personas.

Rappers retire the way Michael Jordan and Brett Favre do. But when the Game comes back, Dre or no Dre, I hope he gets his head back on.

I'll say one thing - LAX is so bad, I actually just put on Fiddy's last album, Curtis - and its actually not bad in comparison. At least 50 is focused - even what he's focused on is making ends while shitting on the hand that pays.

Don't be part of the problem, be part of the solution:
If you want a better west coast album - Keak Da Sneak's "Deified". The king of hyphy is back, his warbling graveling caterwauling fights with production that's been called "too bombastic". I think it kicks major domo ass. Best West coast album of the year so far.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Stuff this white guy likes

I posted a link to the well circulated stuff white people like blog a ways back, and picked up the paperback for my vacation in July. The author, Christian Lander, has an interview on the AV CLub, and buried in it was statement that beautifully articulated my own criticism with white hipness, and my own complicity.

"But you're just as guilty of the keeping-up-with-the-Joneses' mentality as your parents or grandparents. It's not a display of wealth. It's about a display of authenticity and taste. And so it's just my anger about that competition. And what I'm angry about is, I just can't stop myself from doing it."

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Taking the dive into Blu-Ray

Well, after going through 3 dvd players in as many years, I decided instead of buying another value priced DVD player, to bite the bullet and go blu-ray. My rationale is that according to articles, the electronics cartel aren't going to allow the price of leading blu-ray players go down to 300 dollars until well into 2009. So If I were to buy another DVD player, I probably would still wind up behind when I eventually did buy a blu-ray player. I'm also guessing there will be a media conversion to blu ray in 2010, at which point new releases will be harder to come by. I'm a traditionalist in the sense I don't like to steal movies or music - so I think the a digital medium being connected to the home theatre is still a few years out, and a few years more before its acceptably turnkey that Mrs. Jones could use it while I'm out. So for the time being, blu-ray is the new medium, and probably the last hard medium for watching movies before downloads finally replace the existing model.

So I picked up one Blu-Ray disc to see how much better it was. Even on my 32 inch 780p, it looked noticeably better to me. The contextual UI is a lot more user friendly, and I put in Batman Begins on DVD to see the up conversion. Also - much improved. It didn't look as good as the blu-ray disc, but much better than when it was played on a traditional DVD player.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The battle continues

This is a sequel to the previous post. If you actually read this whole thing - I'll make a check for 25 bucks. You'll have to pass a quiz proving you are a literary masochist.

"smooveluv, so anyone who has no interest in the movie and thinks it's garbage and is tired of hearing the same, worn out insults, etc must be a Bush supporter??"

No, but if I was a gambling man, I'd say it's likely in your case - and your comments certainly present you at least as a Bush defender or apologist, whether you are aware of that perception or not.


"we have not been attacked one time since 9/11, contrary to the liberal promoted propaganda"

I suppose if you consider the soliders in Iraq not part of the collective "we" you could assert that. If you are talking about attacks on American soil, I'm not aware of any liberal propaganda asserting that we have been attacked. Please provide some documentation - I'd be very curious to read about these faux attacks. I also fail to see where this fits into the argument. It could just as easily be argued that we have not been attacked despite the administration, not because of it. I'd also be knocking on wood right about now.


"Iraq has achieved many great things since we first went over there--this is based on what friends and family members who have served in the military have personally witnessed and observed while over there."

I'm sure that there have been some gains, but the net effect is destabilization to the country, and to the region. I'm sure it could be argued that in a sense we've "taken the fight to the enemy" but I'm not that comfortable with that argument, as it essentially says we are using our soldiers as bait to lure Al Q into a one geographical area. I'm sure some people don't have an issue with that, its just my opinion.


"It's funny you ridicule the comment made about the WMDs being moved to Syria, because it's actually true, believe it or not."

I have no choice but NOT to believe it, because neither you, nor anybody else has been able to produce them. Either that's a fiction you are stating as fact, or our military intelligence is so poor that we bungled that operation as well. Are you stating that we should accept your word, without clear unverifiable proof, regarding something so important? If the government did find it, and is hiding it, then its consistent with their habit of keeping the American public in the dark. If we had found this material, wouldn't they be hoisting it up over our heads? Given everything that's gone on in this administration, I feel that the burden of proof falls on your side of the argument. Show me the money, or stop claiming that they are there. If the premise was to stop production and get our hands on those weapons, why isn't that argument being used to steamroll into Syria, and get the weapons that we know are there? And not in Lebanon. Or Iran. Or any number of other countries disenfranchised with our foreign policy.


"Are people ever going to wake up and live in the real world?"

Clearly you are on another realm of reality above ours, one that we can't possibly hope to attain. Interesting that our paths intersect at a web site dedicated to movie gossip. If you are sensing sarcasm, your detector is not malfunctioning. Methinks you perceive an intellectual chasm between yourself and the plebiscites, that is less wide than you think it is. But I could be wrong, and Morpheus will come a knocking on my feeding chamber, to awaken me from my slumber.


"CNN is bullshit. FOX is bullshit. It's all propaganda. The American public who view such news sources are being fooled by those who are paid to show you what the person behind the curtains wants you to see."

That's your opinion, but hardly relevant - I made no reference to CNN as a primary news source for me, unless you are interpreting my reference to Glenn Beck as such, which would be an incorrect conclusion. Perhaps you'd like to be part of the solution, rather than content to point out the problem, and provide us with your credible news sources. Or do you simply avoid the news media entirely, on principal? Of course, there is an alternative to avoiding "all propoganda" - take in as much news as possible, aggregate and parse it down, and use your own critical faculties to come to the most rational conclusion. Or I could just get my facts made up for me by conservative talk radio or Bill Maher. It's ironic that your criticism of the news media can be just as easily be made against the administration itself.


"You don't have to be a Bush supporter or an absolute conservative to know this or to feel the way I do about it. "

That's true, but its not your paranoia of the news that makes me think you are either A: a conservative pretending not to be, in order to wear a pretend mantle of objectivity, or B: you are unaware of your own bias. It's mostly just everything else you are saying that makes me think that.


"What one does for a living and how much money they make has absolutely NOTHING to do with their credibility."

True, but income strata have everything to do with what policies benefit voters, and recognizing what groups oppose or advocate those programs. Simply going back as recently as 1935, Republicans have serially voted against public assistance programs, using McCarthyism, the specter of death by taxation, and ideological fiery rhetoric to persuade the economically depressed to vote against programs that would directly benefit them. Social Security, Medicaid, Bilingual Education, Universal Healthcare, and Head Start are all programs that the financially distressed would benefit from - so when they vote according to party dogma, it's unintelligent. I'm not critiquing the lower class, I'm critiquing people of that group who vote for Republicans, without considering voting for programs that benefit them. I'd similarly accuse affluent people of voting against their economic interests by voting Democratic - but they have the benefit of expendable income and no threat to their standard of living, which makes such idiosyncratic behavior less self damaging. And they have nice "stuff" - so they must be smart.

Lest you accuse me of part of the machine that fuels the propaganda dissemination conspiracy, I'd be happy to produce source citation from several volumes that include direct quotes from politicians on both sides of the aisle to back this claim up.


"Most of America is so Goddamn doped up anyway on anti-depressants and other such poisons that they're incapable of logical and rational thoughts."

Certainly I hope that's just a broad, insulting generalization (substitute "American" with any social minority group, and you'll see what that statement reads like) and not a direct accusation. Still the insinuation that anyone who doesn't share your opinion must somehow be hallucinating is troublesome - I suppose by trivializing the opposition saves you the trouble of questioning your own beliefs. I feel I am well served by my grasp of logic, and I've found several holes in yours. Incapable of rational thought? That's hyperbole. Make that a literal statement, and we'd find ourselves in some post-apocalyptic wasteland. If that's the case, I'm definitely canceling my last check to the Home Owner's Association.

EDIT: This statement, which is basically taking a dumping on "most" Americans directly contradicts your earlier defense of the common man, when you stated: "What one does for a living and how much money they make has absolutely NOTHING to do with their credibility." Or are you saying regardless of occupation or income bracket, we are all just equally lacking in our mental faculties? And I'm sure I've got my share of typos, but you might want to spell check and examine grammar before you throw the collective minds of "most of America" under a bus.


"But as far as the subject at hand goes, there is no point to this movie. "

So you've seen it? Capital. Do tell. Where does Stone lose his point? Or did I misunderstand you? Maybe you were just saying that premise of this movie doesn't interest you, or that you are incapable of seeing anything new being brought to the table.

To the contrary, there is a great deal of point to the premise of making the film, in my opinion. Stone is unapologetically liberal, and a conspiracy nut to top it off. He's rushing to have it filmed, and he wants to persuade voters to vote democratic. It's manipulative, ballsy, and insulting to most Americans by thinking they are dumb enough to be so easily brainwashed. That's pretty descriptive of the tone of your argument, so in hindsight, your opposition to this film now confuses me.

My rant from a movie site against bush supporters who don't want to see Oliver Stone's mockumentary W

From James: "I've spent hours defending Bush's presidency... Although, not like I care at all, or know anything about politics" You've established yourself as a credible expert on current politics - those sound like hours well spent, with tangible results.

From Balboa6: "Enough Bush bashing already... Everyone needs to drop the subject and move on." Yeah, Americans shouldn't care about the job the president is doing. It's not important or anything. Not risking saying something that could potentially bore Balboa6 - that's what we need to focus on. But people who feel that Bush is the worst president of the past century, they should just move on to something more topical.

And I don't think anyone would make a stink about an anti-Obama movie, because it would never get made in liberal hollywood. Unless you mean a movie that was filmed in Anne Coulter's basement, with Glenn Beck manning a super-8, with Rush Limbaugh in black face. That movie is probably already on youtube. Otherwise, your argument condemning liberals for their reaction to an Obama film, is as foolish as it is unfair, seeing as its based on a hypothetical situation.

99% of the time, I feel people are entitled to their opinion, but after 8 years, an unnecessary war based on false premises with thousands of American and Iraqi casualties, an administration that made a mockery of the Attorney General's office, a non-enemy combatant policy that Bush's own appointed supreme court puked all over, and after an economy that briefly popped out of a cesspool, and the flushed back in - after all that, I think Bush supporters can shut the hell up. We've heard enough of this incompetent whacker - and he deserves every cheap shot that's made at him, whether its boring or cliche to you. We've been listening, and enduring his inarticulate speeches and damaging foreign policy for 8 years. People can shut the hell up and listen to a 2+ hour movie that calls him on it - or skip it.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

For your tuesday afternoon

Courtesy Leslie Feist

The Grind

A checklist might give you some idea of what some more of my more mundane tasks are like:

Package Dimensions for Swift 3D - In Pixels

F# Package
Width: 389
Height: 459
Depth: 196
Back Flap Height: 544
Box Panels: DONE
Assembled Panels Into Box:
Graphics Panels:
Render Boxes:
R8 Single Package
Width: 171
Height: 284
Depth: 175
Center Flap Height: 68
Box Panels:
Assembled Panels Into Box:
Graphics Panels:
Render Boxes:
R# Single

Width: 162
Height: 230
Depth: 160
Center Flap Height: 72
Box Panels:
Assembled Panels Into Box:
Graphics Panels:
Render Boxes:
R# Double
Width: 162
Height: 459
Depth: 160
Center Flap Height: 72
Box Panels:
Assembled Panels Into Box:
Graphics Panels:
Render Boxes:

R2 Quad
Width: 313
Height: 459
Depth: 158
Back Flap Height: 522
Box Panels:
Assembled Panels Into Box:
Graphics Panels:

Steps for Each:
Create shapes with the dimensions above
Create Blank 3D models, with established lighting and camera angles (5 boxes)
Test Lighting
Export High Res Filters and Die lines
Crop Panels according to blank panels
Apply graphics to Swift box panels, and create product versions of each box (12 total packages)
Export to jpg, png, and tiff

Friday, August 15, 2008


A stranger bought a couple of shirts! I'm psyched, and glad I wasted 3 hours making those damn things. Of course, Eaton was a bro and bought a shirt for himself and JR, and I ordered a couple for myself - but this is the first time some random DutyHead bought the shirts. And he's from Australia. Kind of neat to think that something I designed will be worn down under.

I am going to keep designing some non-CoD4 shirts and swag. I figure if I create enough of this stuff, and I can maybe earn some mad money.

EDIT: Sold a few more - I might actually break even.

gettin' mah game back - thanks Vijay

So the past week, my swing has been coming back to me. Yesterday was pretty good till we got rained out (see previous post).

What helped the most? Vijay Singh's "seventeen". To keep the right tempo, you say seventeen quietly or in your head. Starting slowly, you finish your backswing after "seven", and then come down through the ball on "teen". It keeps me slow going back (my body has a habit of tensing up and jerking on the start of my swing - which usually means I get out of my posture and thin my shots), and gets me to really swing through the ball more explosively. Best part is it works for all clubs (well not really the putter).

Besides that, Vijay is the man. In his 40s, from Fiji, still dominating. And he has a such an awesome swing to watch - its like a wave breaking. He practices so much, that his drivers' faces periodically collapse.

nutso storm

So we played thursday night golf last night, or tried to. Once again, like clockwork, there was inclement weather on thursday afternoon. I wish I could invest in weather futures.

We made it through the 3rd hole, and the lightning evac kicked in. We get to the restaurant and the waitresses are all freaked out. We manage to get a pitcher of beer, and the rain really started to come down. They close the kitchen before we can get wings. Then the club pro tells us we all should leave. The second we come out it's hailing. Run to my car, and I'm soaked 15 seconds later. It came down so hard, Erik forgot where his car was for a second.

I pull out and it's just a sheet of rain - the kind that your wipers can't keep up with. It was so bad at one point that a driver in front of me had become disoriented and tried to pull over, but instead of pulling over to the right, had pulled over to the left, into the lane of oncoming traffic.

15 minutes later, and it was clear skies. I was kind of annoyed that they closed the course. I was even more annoyed they kicked us out during all the rain. So I shot a 16 for the first time of my life, and wound up getting wings at the roadhouse. Which blow. Highland Meadows, for some reason, have the best wings in the FC area. The cook is from new york and said he got them from a low level mob enforcer from Rhode Island. Makes sense.

Got pretty drunky skunky with Ken, and finished the night playing CoD4 online with him. Whew.

new dashboard view on blogger

not that different, but it's always nice to mix it up. Frank you, google. Frank you very much.

GO Bronze

As of today , we have 3 times as many bronze medals as china, the second runner up for bronze medals. We are so awesome at coming in third place for everything.

OMFG n00b!!!

So I help Mrs. Jones by proofreading a paper for her. She spent so long on it, she needed a second pair of eyes to catch the nits. So I saved it as "JonesPaper.V3.doc" - because its version 3, and a Microsoft word document.

Well the professor couldn't open the file. So I had her resend it as a rich text format (.rtf) instead of a .doc. And he opened it. but the kicker - here's his response:

"This one opened fine, thanks. What I received before was .V3, which may be Microsoft but is certainly not word!"

OMFG - seriously, he's so dumb, it has to be organized into an [ol].

  1. You've got file extensions turned off and you don't know it. There's a name for people who don't select options and uncheck "hide file extensions" as part of the 47 things they do when they first start using a windows box. They are called n00bz.

  2. There's a name for people who don't understand that you can segment file names with periods as long as there is a valid file extension after the last period. They are called n00bz.

  3. There's a name for people who don't know that both .doc and .rtf are both proprietary Microsoft formats - no .rtf is not open standard. They are called n00bz.

  4. There's a name for people who don't look up what a possible file extension might be. They are called n00bz. V3 is not associated with any mainstream app.

  5. There's a name for people who don't immediately recognize that V3 would be shorthand for version 3. They are called n00bz.

Look, I've got no problem with people who aren't good with 'puters. Lord knows I can't sling serious code or set up a hard core network, or do anything inside much more than throw in more RAM or replace a busted fan. So I know that everybody has their limits - whether its doing some heavy lifting in UNIX, or trying to send an email with an attachment. But the pomposity of the statement: ".V3, which may be Microsoft but is certainly not word!" just begs out to be pimp-slapped. And from what I've hear, this is just another example of this guy's messed up perspective, where he does no wrong. No, it may NOT be Microsoft. Like she sent you some weird ass Visio file. Like you'd know Visio if leapt out of a snake charmer's wicker basket and bit you on the chin.

Dude, dude, dude.... DUDE! You are a college professor. Not Bill Gates. You don't even teach computer science. An exclamation point? "Certainly!"? What is certain is I certainly want to take a hot steaming dump on this guys pretentious chest. Don't confuse your impressive academic accomplishments for technological aptitude.

Best part - one it was resaved, even though it was a Rich Text, it still had the "V3" in file name. Of course I'm sure he didn't even notice that.

Since my secret dream is to be a forensic psychologist and pigeonhole people for living, let me do so for this bloody wanker. A classic narcissist, who doesn't understand the concept of accountability, specifically in this instance, user error. There's two types of people in this world when it comes to a computer issue. The first group says "I did something wrong, there's something here that needs to be figured out. And when I do, it will add to my body of knowledge about computers - making me a 'wiser user'". The second group says "It's not working. Wah wah wah. I need to suck on a teat. The computer is broken/you did something wrong. I know computers, and I've never seen this before, so something is inexplicably afoul, and I'm the only sane one in the situation who sees that everything else has gone mad." There's a name for people in this second group.

They are called n00bz.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Call of Duty 4 T Shirt Designs

Edit - I actually am selling these T-shirts! Again, if you don't play CoD4 (which is everyone who visits this blog except me), you won't get these shirts. But there available. I look forward to making 2 dollars off this venture...

Monday, August 11, 2008

Yay! I Have Eczema!

People who went to college with me know I had some funky ass foot problems. Seriously, I had athlete's foot so bad that my room smelled like an animal had died, and dogs love to lick my feet. Yeah, I think I'm going to barf.

So I would say my feet in general are knobby and gross, and the least capable part of my body at attracting entourages of fine foxy ladies. But the rash stuff had gone away a long long time ago.

Then last fall I got this weird rash on the top of my feet. Not athlete's foot. It sort of subsided over the winter, and then came back full force. Probably the itchiest thing I've ever had happen to me - as you can see - those scabs are the result of my inability to resist clawing at them with furious zeal, in an effort to silence the demons that lay under my derma. Again, my feet had become the bane of my existence.

I tried all sorts of stuff, antifungal, cortizone - but nothing. I finally went to my general practitioner, who told me I had scabies.

Good god. I felt like I could sympathize with people who had genital warts or herpes. I was so embarrassed, as was Mrs. Jones. All of us used this cream a couple of times, and I went out and bought all new socks and bedding. Aside from embarrassed, I was pretty disgusted. All I could think of was the treatment cycle, where the medicine seeps into the scabies mite's burrows, killed them, and then taking another 3 weeks for my feet to heal, as my body absorbed their dead carcasses and left over fecal matter. I'm thinking microscopic bot flies - Barf.

Well a month later, things were still bad. So I went to a dermatologist, who did a scraping, and told me definitively that I didn't have scabies, but eczema. Waves of contented washed over me. Except more my feet - waves of itchiness still poured over them.

So I am going to put some steroid cream on them twice a day, and should be good as new in a couple of weeks. I always wanted to do 'roids, and now I get me chance. Go Eczema!!!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

WTF Sergio!?

I should be complementing Padraig on his win, but I'm too annoyed at Sergio for blowing up on the 16th. In the US, he's going from foreign favorite to reviled jerk - but I've always fallen for his sick shotmaking skills. Like me, he's short off the tee (that's relative though). So I appreciate a guy who knows how to handle his 5 iron deftly. And I like rooting for the bad guy.

He had total control for a while, and then hit it into the water.

I don't buy that the Player's is the fifth major, so Sergio isn't in the club. Padraig kind laid the smack down by nabbing two consecutive majors in a row - not to mention his previous Open win was the second year he'd taken that event. It will interesting to see what this confidence boost will do, and what type of challenge he can bring to Tiger next year. Of course, with a year off, we should all be wondering if Tiger will still have his mojo. I have confidence, but it's a long time to be taking off. I'll guess, behind the iron curtain, Tiger is doing the best he can to stay physically and mentally focused, until he can actually hit balls again. I mean, he does strike me as a little focused.

OMG - I love this show

I just totally stumbled onto this show - Melrose Place.  I thought it was going to blow midgets like 90210 - vomit! But OMFG!!!!! This show rocks harder than molly fucking hatchet!  Definitely tivo it!  If there isn't one person in this picture that you want to bang, get your junk checked - I think it's like, broken or something.

The Count loves ####ing apples

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Cyborg Arms are so not cool.

So Emily got a cyborg arm in May - so I like totally had 2 get 1. My mom was all like hulking out like "blah blah blah I can't afford it blah blah blah." But she's such a bitch and knows it, so she finally took me to get one.

I got this kickin' cyborg arm - it has attachable hand units - it came with a hand, laser saw and iPhone. Totally bling. I got it for my left arm, cause I always hated my left arm, and now I can be that thing where you can do stuff with like both hands.

Only problem is I couldn't get it working right. It kept spinning around and like whacking me in the face and shit. It's like, how m I supposed to text and stuff while I'm getting whacked in the face! It totally fucked up my shiznit.

I figured I could do what jesus would do and like "read the fucking manual" - but I couldn't even get it open to the right page with one hand. My cyborg arm is all like spinning and smashing me in the face with the iphone (which I totally xoxoxoxox), and I'm all like "I can't even read korean - WTF!!!".

So I took it back to the office, and the Doctor was all like "well you didn't pay that fee, so we didn't keep your old arm - let me go see if its still okay." It was so not okay. It was like rotting in the dumpster and shit - no thank you! IMO - they should have kept it. But I hated that arm anyway. So he's kind of cool in sexy older doctor way, and was like - I'll call you next time we get an arm.

He called three days later - but I get there and it's the right arm of a black man. I was totally WTFing the doctor - jesus - the arm is way too long, and I don't need two right arms. So I went home - but that arm really was hurting my face. So I went back and got it attached later that day. My dad went all Bin Laden as like "what the hell elisa! I can't keep buying you arms!" I hate that bastard.

Well, like if youve never had two right arms, and then get two right arms - you'll know it totally blows. I couldn't do shit except shake my own hands.

So I got another cyborg arm. Yeah mom and dad we're totally hating me. This one works better, but it doesn't have the iphone. So lame.

Oh yeah - I'm getting cyborg legs for christmas!!! yay that bitch emily is gonna be all like "you're stuntin, girl!" and them I'm gonna kick her chest in!


Jon Edwards had an affair. Seriously? Who cares. I'm sorry, what office is he running for? Oh, that's right, none. I'm sick of people getting in a lather over politico's sideline dalliances.

The Big Brand online that nobody is talking about

American Apparel. These guys are great. Bohemian-sexy-chic models in A.A.'s hipster outfits. I don't what it is about them, but when I see one of their banner ads, I don't have to scroll down to know its them. I'm way too fat to actually wear their stuff - but this has to be one of the most pervasive brands in my corner of the web.

Ryan's awesome party

I went over to Ryan's last night. Thanks to the kids having hand foot and mouth disease I went solo, which was actually pretty relaxing. He and his wife, January, hosted the soiree, and Erik and Karin, and Ken and Crystal were also there. He smoked some pork in his "egg" (see example below):

I had to depart from my diet slightly, but it was well worth it. He got up at 2 am to start smoking the pork, and he "injected" with infusions. Uh, yeah, whatever - but it was delicious whatever zany stuff Ryan busted out. We watched the opening of the Summer olympics which was really tedious. But at least I was in good company.

So I didn't realize how handy Ryan was - he basically constructed the interior of his entire basement, except for the bathroom. Speaking of the bathroom, I was very impressed with his classy glass handled plungers:

Yes I said plungers - plural. He had two side by side. I'm not sure what goes on that requires plunger backup - but I'll just pretend he got them at a 2 for 1 sale. I was a little intimidated by them, which maybe is the point - "guests, please don't feel comfortable enough to poop in our bathroom."

Perhaps more awesome is his secret doorway. I don't what's more awesome - that he built his own secret doorway, or that it leads to the water heater.

After all of this workmanship, and classy housewares, I'm thinking Ryan isn't just the man, he's the man to help me replace my ceiling fan. Good times. I think it says something about me that I had such a good time, but the only pictures I took were of a plunger, a bookcase, and a gaping hole in the wall.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Driving me nuts

I have this thing where the cursor jumps to random places in text box fields. That drives me nuts.


I took the plunge. Mrs. Jones has been getting in touch with a bunch of people, and as much as I loathe social networking portals, my opposition was starting to make me feel like a luddite. But it seems to consume her, and there is a lot of weird social cliche things going. Anyway - I can see how it could suck you in, but I'm just not feeling it yet. I ran into an old colleague and I might get some work from him, so I hopefully it will be more than worth the annoyance of perceived shuns and getting cyber molested by "friend collectors" that hardly know me, or how much I dislike them.

Mrs. Jones and I have renamed it "Fightbook". Hours after joining, I had to weigh in with a snarky comeback to one of Mrs. Jones' frenemies, who insinuated she looks old.

Grinding my 7 iron

When it comes to golf, I'm used to having to grind - but this was a twist...

My 7 iron has been through a lot this year. First, I tossed it at my bag in a fit and had to get the shaft repaired. Then, a coouple of rounds back, I was hitting out of the rough and clipped a hidden rock.

I picked up a dremel tool grinder for my cordless drill, and luckily was able to smoothout some of the grittiness. It didn't quite get it the way I wanted it, so I finished it off with my diamond steeling rod.

My i5's are finally looking a little rugged! I do love these irons.

It IS Wrong

Local Public Radio Morning Host:

"Is it wrong that cheese curds have me salivating this early in the

Yes. Yes it is wrong. Horribly wrong.

EDIT: I was nauseated, and pulled in to a parking lot to post this from my mobile.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Finding Your Ass with Both Hands; a tactical guide

Hi there; I'm Giuseppe Jones. You know, people come up to me every day and say: "Giuseppe, you are so good at finding your ass with both hands. How do you do it so quickly and consistently?"

If you are like the hundreds of people I've talked to, you can't find your ass with both hands. Want to know the secret about finding your ass with both hands? There's no secret at all. That's right... no secret at all.

Now, you are probably asking yourself "Is Giuseppe for real? Can this guy really find his ass with both hands?" Friend, by the time you are done with this guide, you'll be finding your ass with both hands easily, anytime you want. You might even be using one hand to find your ass, leaving your other hand free to perform other important activities, such as:

- gripping the toilet seat for better leverage
- sending text messages
- shaking hands with business partners
- giving a thumbs up
- eating Bugles
- unwinding a roll of toilet paper

Let's get started.

Getting started: So you know you need to find your ass. That's the best place to begin. First, examine your hands. Are you wearing gloves, mittens, or potholders? If so, take them off. Both of them. Is there a second pair of smaller, more snug fitting gloves underneath? Take those off too.

Posture: Posture may be the single most important key to finding your own ass with both hands. Are you standing up, like a straight, proud, god fearing American? Well stop. First, slouch your shoulders. This will extend your downward reach. If you are a gnome, little person, or otherwise have an uncharacteristically short armspan, slouching is vital. It can mean the difference between grabbing two handfuls of your own ass, or just pinching backfat. And we didn't come here to find our own backfat with both hands.

In addition to slouching, bend your knees and waist 15-25%, so that your ass sticks out behind. Not sure if you are sticking your ass out enough? Here's a simple test. Look down. Can you see your belt? Then you aren't sticking your ass out enough. If you are not wearing a belt, place a belt around you waist. If a belt is unavailable, bailing twine or an extension cord will suffice as well.

Reaching for your own ass: Just like brain surgery, rocket science, and ordering home goods from the QVC, finding your own ass should not be a guessing game. It should be done deliberately, and with both hands. Place your hands over your breasts - this starting point is key, because you can see where you breasts are, and have the sensory feedback of your nipples to validate correct position.

Now carefully slide your hands downwards (away from your face). As you perform this motion, slide your hands toward the back of your body. They will become less visible. Eventually, depending on the speed of the motion, you will come to your own ass. Trust me, the steady slide is much more reliable than quickly slapping or grabbing for your own ass. This can leave you frustrated, even bruised. And if the bruising is on your own ass, then you've got double trouble.

Recognizing your own ass. Self-ass recognition is the final step to finding your own ass. The first question should be "can I feel my own hands?" If not, you may well have found somebody else's ass. Provided you can feel your hands, ask yourself three key questions?

- Am I touching the backs of my legs?
- Am I fondling myself?
- Am I touching my back?

If the answers to these questions are no, then congratulations! Chances are, you've just found your own ass, with both hands.

Final Tip: Until finding your own ass with both hands becomes as second nature as harvesting wheat or assembling hi-fi car audio systems, you may want to use a mirror to verify you have correctly grabbed your own ass. A warning should be provided, though: don't rely on the mirror while you are performing the location of your own ass with both hands. Due to a recently discovered phenomenon in the field of optics, your own image will appear reversed. This may cause disorientation and nausea, and it's likelihood of helping you find your own ass is slim. Remember, locate your ass first, and look in the mirror to make sure you have ass-hand contact second.

Thanks for reading this invaluable guide; I'm sure you'll be finding your own ass in a jiff. Look for my other guides for teaching important activities, such as peeing on the broad side of a barn, advanced pilates, and breathing.

Friday, August 1, 2008

the power of float left

man I love css - there's always a new way to skin a cat. I've historically been pretty non-plussed by positioning objects using the float property, but It's actually pretty awesome.

In building the site I posted a mockup of yesterday, I've taken cues from other BI oriented sites - particularly the BusinessObjects site. They've got 3 columns. I've always had problems with columns, and had to do some funky positioning based on which column is longest - otherwise they run over anything under them, like a footer.

A better solution I saw by checking out their CSS is floats. Each column is a float left. You can then make the footer float left also, and voila - nothing covers up the footer. Even better - you can give all three columns the same class, instead of a special one for the "longest" column - I always hated that - it felt like breaking the spirit of CSS.

Yeah, so if you aren't me, or performing a search on CSS techniques, this is one boring ass blog entry