Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Boondock Saints

Your opinion of this movie can probably be determined by your impression of this photoshopped publicity still I googled:

Yes - that's Billy Conolly. The comedian. The one who replaced Howard Hesseman on head of the class.

The Boondock Saints - 1999
Directed by Troy Duffy

Mrs Jones and I watched it last night - or at least until we had to turn it off. This was one of the most god awful movies I have ever seen most of. Really, it comes down to piss poor writing and poor direction of the cast. Neither the plot nor the characters had any sense, authenticity or even remote believability. You know those movies that fill you with embarrassment as you watch them - yup, this is one of those movies. What's worse is that its set in Boston, which is essentially taking the blade of inauthentic dreck and twisting it in my gut, and then snapping the blade off. Oh yeah, Ron Jeremy is in this. And he's not playing himself. Willem Dafoe's portrayal of a flamboyant homosexual is so over the top and poorly conceived, I'm not wondering if somebody at GLAAD had a fatal stroke; I'm wondering how many of them suffered aneurisms.

The insufferable THE BOONDOCK SAINTS gets two middle fingers, way up. My only regret is that I have but two middle fingers to hoist. I'd like to pop some zits and squirt puss at it, too. Or squeeze out some tonsil stones and smear them across the director's tongue. (Tonsil stones or Tonsilloliths are calcified pus. Picture soggy feta cheese that smells strongly of halitosis. That's how much I hate this movie.)

Come to find out - this movie is near-universally regarded as a train wreck. To make things better, there is actually a documentary about how this movie, and it's director's unbelievable hubris and antagonistic vitriol basically wrecked his career before it got started. Here's the trailer for Overnight, which is now sitting atop my Netflix Queue. One quibble: the trailer narration says he's from Boston - I looked it up and he's not. Connecticut. That explains the slanderously negligent role that Boston plays in his movie, which is essentially limited to establishing shots.

And since I mentioned him - when are we going to get some hollywood loving and see Howard Hesseman as bad guy? Or playing Ernest Hemmingway? Or a WKRP remake?

No comments: