Shootout at the OK Corral and Saloon

Snapped this at Mariana Butte (shot a 98 - with two triple bogeys on the last two holes - vomit)

I beg your pardon? So you can't bring your own booze to the golf course - no suprise there.

But wait, what's this at the bottom of the sign? Survivors? They are expecting hostile resistance to course marshall law enforcement? Do they bury the dead, or let them float away in the Big Thomspon river?

Series: Fort Collins is Woefully Bereft of...

... a hot pretzel cart in old town

A chauvinist generalization

I've noticed that I more often than not, find women who drive pick-up trucks to be mildly attractive. However - there is one major exception. If that truck has a sticker referring to how trucks are "toys" that are for "girls" and not "boys", the woman driving the truck is usually someone I find to be extremely unattractive to the point of being repellent. It's nice that I'm so scorching dead sexy that I feel comfortable commenting on other people's appearances, but there it is anyway.

LOL... this picture I found makes me think about the chasm between the idiomatic definition of "bad ass" and a more literal translation. In the latter case, I don't think that I'd like be known for having an ass that's bad or somehow otherwise not fully functioning. "Oh, that Giuseppe... he's a good guy, but he's got one of those asses that is bad." Somewhere along the line excessive cellulite or anal leakage got mixed up with toughness and grit. I suspect John Wayne was involved.

Building Models

I've been designing packaging for a client, as part of a (very) gradual rebranding process. I had the distinct pleasure of building a live model of the prototype box. It's probably only about 70% there design-wise, but you can see the direction its going in. It's always fun to ditch the mouse and pixels and break out an exacto knife and spray mount. What you can't see is how ridiculously fragile the box is. Also - as much as I anticpated it, the shock of seeing carefully selected pantone swatches get mutilated by an RGB printer is never an easy thing to digest.

It's hard to make out Erik's awesome test photo of the water filter on the front of the box. Erik's got skillz with the camera - so if you want any glamour shots done - he's your man...

Good times, bad times

Good times? Shot an 89 last night - first time I ever broke 90.

Bad times? I ran up the stairs when I got home, and folded my ankle like a crepe.

Ain't we lucky we got 'em - good times.

It's always sunny in my blog

"It's always sunny in philadelphia" premiered their season tonight with two new episodes. Anyone with mariginal curiosity who lacks 100% clarity about where I am coming needs to watch this show. There is no humor more savory or delectable than emotional bankrupcy. Tivo that shit... Seacrest out.

So you're mad the iphone's price dropped?

Guys - it's a phone, not an iPod. What did you expect? I've been the early adopter before, and you get whatever you signed up for, and a lot more.

I think complaining about the 100 gift certificate Apple is giving back to those customers is a lot like staring a gift horse in the mouth, and then belting said horse with an uppercut. Nice knockout, but it doesn't do anything to pick the horse up off the floor. You laid into Apple, but when's the last time Motorola sent you a 100 gift certificate because you bought a KRAZR IV two days before a 250% price drop?

Hip Hop on September 11

So 50 Cent and Kanye had this well publisized pseudo-beef about who was going to sell more albums on their release date - Sept 11.

I can safely say, as a dedicated listener of hip-hop; it doesn't matter who won the soundscan, we lost. Both albums pretty much suck. 50 Dent is basically a wind-up thug capo, and Kanye is the most talented whiner in hip-hop. And that's saying a lot.

Also, the watered down beef is okay - at least nobody gets hurt when its some fake-ass A&R BS. Still, capitalizing on 9/11 is pretty low, especially from Kanye "George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People" West. Sorry, 'Ye, but "if you gotta take shots like that, then you gotta take shots like that".

Somewhere I see puppet masters Jay-Z and Dr. Dre counting piles of money...

A "sticky" situation

Seabass wanted to know why things are sticky. Since I spent most of high school chemistry trying to figure out how to make my chair lean as far back as possible without falling over, I have no idea.

Apparently it has to do with electrical charges at the molecular level or "an asymmetrical distribution of charge of opposite sign". Dipoles to dipoles. Huh? Is this like molecular or atomic magnetism. Probably not, because none of the articles I read every mentioned molecular or atomic magnetism.

Then there is more chemical based bonds between an adhesive and substrate. These leads you down a quantum electrodynamics rabbit hole. Shit. That's not really helping either. I read a book on quantum physics. It was a hoot, but it felt like science fiction by the end. How am I supposed to divine from this why glue sticks more as it dries?

Okay - BASF's site has an okay answer. Things that are flush stick together well (like two wet microwavable food containers that get accidentally pushed together in the dish rack - I hate separating those things). Glue helps fill the gaps between both objects. I guess I get that. It's similar to suction. But why do flush things stick together? Jelly and peanut butter both fill the gaps in porous peanut butter, but jelly, which seems like it would fill those better, doesn't make bread stick as well peanut butter. There's the old frustration setting in. Unfortunately for me, I can smash, throw or scream at scientific laws. Fortunate for those laws, though.

As Forrest Gump once said "I'm not a smart man". Of course, he followed that statement with something profound - I got nothing though. How do I explain to a 4 year old why some things are sticky, and how "sticky" works.

I can't hardly wait for my friend who majored in materials engineering to give me a sarcastically complicated answer. Don't worry Shadrack - if my head goes all scanners on me and explodes, I'll make sure to post it on Youtube.

And I know the two things you are thinking you're thinking.

One: No, I'm not baked.

Two: Yes, the lame post title was consciously made in an effort to advance the cause of shitty blog post titles everywhere.

Make em say "ugh, nah nah nah nah"

Petraeus went before a series of presidential hopefuls yesterday. If you were a senator and running for president, you were asking questions. I heard the highlights on NPR, and it made me sick. I had more of a problem with the democrats (yes I'm a dem), but I think that's partly because there were more of them there.

There was so much stumping going on, it was clear that their ears and minds were shut, and were just thinking about A:how to use information the event to further their campaign, and B: Use the event itself to further their campaign. Now I'm against the war as much as the next guy (actually in Colorado, it would be MORE than the next guy), but this was just mindless antiwar platitudes. I think the lowest point of what I heard was Obama sniping at Biden for taking up too much time on the mic. Since Biden was heading up the committee, I think he's entitled to more time. he also has a longer term vested interest, since he's been working on a solution to this situation since way before he threw his pres hat in the ring. Hillary was using some fancy footwork, but in the end it sounded more like the closing statement of a litigator.

i feel like campaigning presents a conflict of interest, and these guys should be recused from this type of high profile shenanigans. The other thing I'm noticing, is the more I hear of Obama, the less I like the guy. He puts on a good show, and says the right stuff when it comes to platitudes, but i remember a republican governor of Texas who had a similar skill set. Obama is pushing back on criticisms to his pro-hope rhetoric. The problem isn't an upbeat message (I like John Edwards who uses a lot of hope in his messaging); my problem is that its rhetoric.

The scary and useful thing about this stumping around the war is that its an important issue, and one that seems to bring out everybody's true colors. IMO, we have a responsibility to stop the hemorrhaging we caused, while weaning the Iraqi government of our collective teat. Few candidates are talking about a phased withdrawal aim at meeting both goals - its just one or the other. It also shifts incrementally, almost directly proportional to the latest SitRep and corresponding public opinion. Opinion dips, speak more harshly. Opinion rises, tame the rhetoric. I know you guys are running for president, but it's a war - how nuanced and changing does your opinion have to be on it? Pick a stance and stick with it.

September 11

In other news - happy birthday mom!

September 11

Well, its official. At least in Colorado, September 11th officially had joined the ranks of Pearl Harbor day. I had my annual good cry in the car, away from everybody else, but I'm not going batty for a day like I used to. I guess that's a good thing.

I don't really want to say too much else about it. It isn't because I don't care, but I don't like to pollute 9/11 by talking about it on 9/11. Give the day its due, and pontificate on the 12th.

Only when there are no witnesses

Last Sunday, after my ceiling fan fiasco, I went out solo to Highland Meadows to play 9. I wound up shooting a 44. Incidentally, while i'm waiting for the USGA to grind out my official handicap, I posted scores and course/slope ratings to calculate a simulated handicap, which was 18.5. We'll see what the official number is that gets spit out. Thank Crom that I squirreled away all of my old score cards from this summer, all the way back into May.

In other golf news (sorry guys, this stuff really is for my own future edification), I started putting more wedges into my bag. I have been of the proponent that until you unstand the dynamics of one wedge (pitching wedge not included) that you should use one wedge. That had been a low bounce 54° wedge. I put a 54° sand wedge, and a 60° back in my bag. (The psychotic 64° wedge is still sitting in my backup bag). I feel more comfortable pitching and chipping, and am using the pitching wedge more. I'm also starting to pick out a landing spot, and understanding how much each club makes the ball roll. That, combined with a better sense of how the topography of the green will shape that roll, is definitely part of what got me that 44 score. Just call me huevos rancheros, because there was a whole lotta of spicy scrambling going on.

What really counts

It's been said that it's the thought that counts. More accurately, it's the thought and a gift receipt that count.

Getting the crap scared out of me

Thank Odin the Kids were asleep for nap time when this happened. I'm kicking back, horizontal style on the couch last sunday, taking in Tiger Woods in all his unstoppable glory. The ceiling fan fell to the floor, shattering the light fixture and sounding like a gun shot. I proceeded to scream like a little girl. I don't feel sexist in making that claim as even Seabass can't hold a candle to Tay's sonic disruptions... Anyway, if you saw me, you would have seen those Aquaman-style soundwaves emanating from my voice box as I recoiled on the couch.

I was pissed off the rest of the day. I was pissed because I had no one to be pissed at. The home inspector, maybe, but I think it would have been pushing it for him to inspect the structural integrity of every fixture in the house. It was just scary, and I should feel relieved that nobody was hurt, instead of mad that somebody could have been hurt. Of course, I don't swing that way, so I was all bent out of shape.

Bassman makes progress on the range

Ironic... I'm blogging this because Seabass was being so naughty I had to leave the kitchen table.

Earlier today, we went over to highland meadows. He's been getting pretty good with putting (although less and less concerned with the holes). I thought I'd take him over to the driving range which we rarely do.

I had him focus on two things. One: Put the clubface directly behind the ball as the first thing you do to get ready. Two: Keep your eye on the ball the whole time. He actually made clean contact on the first swing about half the time, and got some balls airborne - about 10 yards.

He did so good, in fact, we dropped off his clubs to get fitted. Nothing scientific, but they are chopping about 3 inches off of each, so he does have to slap shot them so much.

Score for handicap

9 holes - Highland Meadows
46
First two holes back to back pars
Two triple bogeys.
Three shots to get out of last hole greenside bunker.

About the Kanzeon Sutra

The Kanzeon Sutra in the sidebar is is my favorite of all sutras. (The Karma Sutra is overrated.) If it's the only Sutra you know, then now its your favorite sutra.

It's meant to be recited in a low guttural chant. I have it up there so I remember to recite it once a day. I may get around to recording it, so that others can hear the flow.

I remember sitting in Newton with a larger Sangha, and they really weren't into it. They were kind of singing it/saying it. On top of the beautiful expression of devotion, it sounds really kickass. Often times, for American Buddhists, you are meant to lose yourself in the sounds, rather than focus on the literal meaning. Similar to Latin chanting in Catholicism I suppose. It is also good practice for the breath, which is at the core of Zen meditation. In the end, always return to the breath. Each recitation of the sutra should be recited slowly, but in a single breath, if possible without strain.

Kanzeon is the Buddha of compassion. In my best moments, I recognize Kanzeon.


Here's the translation:


Kanzeon!
One with the Buddha,
Directly Buddha,
Indirectly Buddha.
One with Buddha, Dharma, Sangha.
Joyful, pure, eternal being!
Morning mind, Kanzeon.
Evening mind, Kanzeon.
Mind of this moment, Kanzeon.
There is nothing but this.

The Buddha is the one who is enlightened - you know, the guy with the gut. The Dharma is the truth of the enlightenment and the teachings of the Buddha. The Sangha is a meeting of people who have realized the existence of the path towards enlightenment, and are committed to the practice of following the path, through right living and meditation. While they have a totally different context, they are connected inexorably, similar to Catholicism's holy trinity.

Script treatment pitch

Emilio Estevez and Carl Weathers play Lt. Willem Sparks and Emmit Stronghold, two cops on the brink of retirement. Terrorists steal a nuclear warhead under the leadership of Scott Baio, returning to the big screen with an edgy middle eastern character that plays against type as an irrational, violence-crazed lunatic. and are planning on planting in LA. Not in my backyard! Carl and Emilio, at each other's throats, but always getting each other's backs, race to stop the terrorists, while thwarting bureaucracy of the well meaning Feds. Here's a taste...

```````````````````

The jewelry counter shatters in gunfire, pelting the crouching policemen with diamonds and broken glass. The pull their heads and pistols in tightly, before Lt. Stronghold pops up and lays down some return fire.

Stronghold: "Man, I'm getting too old for --"

Sparks: cutting in "Don't say it, Emmit. Don't even say it."

Stronghold confrontationally: "Don't say what, Will?"

Sparks: "Don't tell me you're too old for this shit. Don't say it!"

Stronghold softly:"Nah, Will. I wasn't gonna say that, brutha. You letting the heat of the moment cloud your mind, man."

Sparks a little gunshy: "Okay. Okay. My bad, brutha. What were you going to say?"

Stronghold Shouting: "I'M TOO OLD FOR YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!"

Sparks cringes before hopping up and dispatching two low level terrorist thugs, with expert marksmanship. The room is silence, gunsmoke rising and the room a glittering pile of glass shards mixed with priceless gems. Sparks pounds his chest, as if he forgets he is still holding a 45.

Sparks: "Emmit, I told you, goddammit! Don't ever talk about my mother!"

``````````````

With 96 pages with the same crisp dialog, and crafted action sequences with big budget effects in mind, I just don't see how this could fail...

Good article on wedges

if you are into honing your short game, here's some good info on wedges. Some of it's 101, but if anybody is not totally keyed in on the importance of bounce - here's a good starting place. Five Good Questions About Wedges.