Lame things afoot at Safeway

The last few times I've been in Safeway, I noticed something odd at the checkout. The Sports Illustrated was covered by a piece of blank white paper, three hole punched with "Sports Illustrated" typed across the center in Times New Roman, bold weight. It barely registered, and I thought there were doing some kind of restocking research or something.

Today, the piece of paper had wilted or was pushed down. It's the swimsuit issue. The I notice that Cosmo is covered up - the same Times bold weight treatment. Hmmm... the girl in the swimsuit? Freaking hot. On the cover of cosmo - Rihanna - also freaking hot.

I asked the guy if the reason why they are covered up is - and he finishes my question before its all the way out of my mouth. Yes indeed, people found the covers objectionable. The Cosmo wasn't because of hot Rihanna - it's because it advertises to reveal "20 Sex Secrets". 20 Sex Secrets? Come on. It would be one thing if there were diagrams showing proper anal stimulation, but all it says is "sex secrets".

Ugh. I unerstand the fine gray area of where somebody else's right not to be exposed to something butts up against my right to see what I want, but this is just mildly disappointing. Frankly, I find celebrity expose tabloids to be exploitive and offensive, but I resign myself to have to accommodate things at a supermarket that might actually be for somebody else. I find the fact that there is "A Dummies Guide to Prayer" paperback stuff right next to the reader's digest, but I carry on.

It's not that I'm worked up in a lather, it just bums me out to see conservative values intruding into my reality. And not just conservative values, arbitrary, capricious, hypocritical and unobservant values. There are dozens of things to upset moral compasses, but some dowdy cave troll is just latching onto the most obvious ones. If I have to sit through your Rachel Ray entertainment secrets, and souffle recipes brought to you by women sporting gunts and mom-jeans, and the latest Brangelina fiasco, and what's happening to Suri cruise, then don't deprive me of my superhot model covershots. Fair's fair, that's all I'm saying.