Friday, February 8, 2008

Mormon Underwear

As a pseudointellectualist, I generally do not favor other people learning things. The thinking is that the more you know, the less smart I seem by comparison during cocktail conversations poolside. It makes me uncomfortably grab at my ascot, and nobody wants to see a CPA do that.

Now on occasion, I make concessions as certain lights should be cast on the cobwebs of ignorance. I did a little digging on this a couple of months ago, but my wife's snarky comments about special mormon underpants, made me realize I should share the alpha and omega of mormon underwear websites. Click and learn all there is to know about sacred mormon garments.

Frankly, the web site's URL might be the most hysterical, defiantly unironic thing going for it...

That, or maybe the most hysterical, defiantly unironic thing is that the guy on the home page that looks like Kofi Annan without his goatee (the file name is "black_man.jpg" - how sweet is that?).

That, or maybe the most hysterical, defiantly unironic thing is the first misconception debunked on the misconceptions page: "Mormon underwear has knee protectors and nipple protectors." That is so awesome is makes me want to pick up baby Jesus, kiss his rosy cheeks, put him in a stroller and walk him down by the river.

What is his role? Does the man pictured have any affiliation with Mormonism? Is he the author of the article? Is he a the envoy of a shadowy agent who is never seen but lurks in the background, pulling the strings that affect all of our lives? Is he a subtle refutation of the stereotype of Mormon's being racist and xenophobic? Is he from Ghana? Can I get a suit like that? Who the hell knows the answers to such questions, so without further ado, I give you "black_man.jpg":

1 comment:

Giuseppe Jonathan Jones, CPA said...

a little post script on that image of the underwear.

Fact 1: It is one of the only relevant pictures that google images produces when searching for mormon underwear.

Fact 2: I find something bizarrely fetishistic about the image. There is something masochistic about the way the people are standing the, as if they were forced. And some dehumanizing about not showing their face. Am I turned on by it? No. Does it look like the first in a series of deviant pictures that become increasingly more pornographic in nature? Oh HELL yes.

Fact 3: It is nigh impossible for me to look at that image of headless mormon torsos, and not mentally complete it with Mitt Romney's handsome noggin.